Monday, March 28, 2011

Something about change of plans and leaving it all to time.

I did a previous blog post but I didn't allow comments - I just want to let some things out. Writing about feelings can really help, even if there's no one listening or reading. Writing is a medium of expression. Even if we, bloggers, love attention and the audience, there are just some things you're better off writing about - decreasing the chance of an emotional outburst, breakdown or melodramatic situations in the future. Your thoughts become better constructed.

In the long time I haven't posted, a lot of things happened, among those a
n internship at Standard Chartered Bank. I got an allowance out of it, and it's pretty big compared to my other classmates who interned at different companies, they practically got nowhere near my allowance or didn't get any at all.

I feel like I was treated right in the HR department where I was assigned. They let me interview aspiring interns and let me in on their meetings. I was not ever asked to make coffee or photocopy hundreds of papers. It was like I was one of them.

During the internship, my love with HR blossomed. Every time I wake up, I put on my corporate attire, travel to the biggest and most popular business district in the country, walk in its pavements, and finally enter the office building - and it feels right, like it's where I should be.

I am actually excited to be working in an industrial setting. I want to know more or maybe master the whole HR thing. And then there's the dream of pursuing medical school. I want the glory, to help people, the work, and even the stress. I don't know. Maybe I've leave it all to time, see where it goes!

Much Love,

Sunday, March 27, 2011

I don't know what's up with me. All I want is something to do, something to get busy with just so I can forget. Something new. I used to be good at ignoring and suppressing things but I don't know what's happening. One thing is for sure, though. I want to get out of this phase now but it will be the longest 6 months of my life. I'm not even sure if I can handle waiting for that long. And no, I'm not saying I have suicidal thoughts - I know I'm better than that. It just sounds unbearable, thinking that so much could happen in just a month.

I really like this one boy. We went out for more than a year then he just broke it off, saying he wanted to focus more on school, add to that other things like family, and yes, it's the truth. He says he still likes me and I still really like him too, after more than 6 months that he decided to call it off.

We're still spending time together and having fun even after we broke up. He says he's happy and comfortable when he's with me. One would think we're back together or we're getting back together. But no, it's even more complicated than it is. He wants to get back but he can't because of circumstances. Whichever way I think of it, it's a losing battle for me. He wants to be friends and possibly would like to develop something more in the future, if given the chance, and never wants me out of his life and I sort of want the same thing but it's just painful and unbearable to not to be able to hold his hand, or kiss him, or take care of him. Sure, if I really like him, then I should wait.

I think we should spend time together and make the most out of it. Actually be in a relationship before everything starts to move really fast. Graduation will be in 6 months. When I graduate, I might go in this internship at the States. He will go back to the States for vacation but it is a long shot we will meet, assuming that I get assigned to somewhere far away from Virginia. From there, a lot of things could happen. We would be meeting a lot of people. Then after my internship, I will come back to the Philippines. He might not come back and might pursue medical school in there.

But I don't know what will happen in the future. Maybe all I can really do right now is to wait and be patient - which sucks but there's no other choice. And hell yeah, I am stubborn.